God MUST Be The Architect Of Your Marriage
By: Brian A. Yeager

When a person obeys the Gospel of Jesus Christ and becomes a Christian, that person has accepted that everything they do in life is to be governed by the Scriptures (Matthew 28:18-20, Luke 4:4, Luke 6:46, Luke 11:28, John 8:31-32, Ephesians 5:10, Colossians 1:21-23, Colossians 3:17, II Timothy 3:15-17, and II Peter 1:3-4). Christians understand that Jesus will be our judge (Romans 14:11-12 and II Corinthians 5:10). Christians understand that our salvation is conditioned upon complete obedience to the will of our Savior (Hebrew 5:8-9 and James 2:10-12). Christians understand that there are no exceptions to the above truthful statements and we thus work diligently to remain faithful unto death (Philippians 2:12 and Revelation 2:10).

Having made all of that clear, irrefutable, and undeniable; why do some think that marriage is an exception to the above? Marriage is not some area of life where a person or couple can just walk away from the Scriptures and do whatever they want. Since the beginning of human existence on this planet marriage has been governed by our God (Genesis 2:18-3:20). Jesus even used the beginning as His standard in teaching against divorce (Matthew 19:3-9). Thus, let’s take our minds and use them aright as we consider God as the architect of our marital roles.

This Is God’s Design

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord… Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Ephesians 5:22-6:4 and Colossians 3:18-21).

I know of no way in which to better state the roles in the marriage and the godly home than the inspired Apostle Paul did in the quotes you just read. The man is to be the unconditional head of his household. This even applies if the man is not a Christian and the woman is a Christian. Notice:
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (I Peter 3:1-7).

There is no case, outside of a man trying to get his wife or children to disobey God (Acts 5:29 and Galatians 1:10), wherein the man is not the head over his house. Even if he is being unreasonable, angry, whatever; HE IS TO BE
OBEYED (Titus 2:3-5)! The man’s authority, as described in the inspired words you just read, is just as high as Christ over the church (Ephesians 5:22-24). The man is head over the woman just as Jesus Christ is the head over man (I Corinthians 11:3). There is no place for a wife, ever, to take the role of authority over the man (I Timothy 2:11-15).

A man should be providing spiritually, as we read above, as well as physically for his family (I Timothy 5:8). Women should be modeling themselves after what the Lord calls a virtuous woman (Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 19:14, and Proverbs 31:10-31). The relationship between a man and his wife should be amazing, wonderful, peaceful, enjoyable, etc. (Ecclesiastes 9:9). When the blueprint is ignored though, this will not occur. Therefore, we have to consider what happens when the roles of the home are not being obeyed.

When The Lord Is Rejected As The Architect Of Our Marital Roles

Based upon the Scriptures you’ve just read there are many cases wherein sin occurs in so-called “Christian homes”. If a man does not lead the home – SIN. If a woman does not submit – SIN. If a child disobeys his or her parents – SIN. If a husband does not love his wife as Christ loved the church – SIN. If a wife does not love her husband and children – SIN. What happens to sinners? I think we all know that answer (Romans 6:23, II Thessalonians 1:7-9, and Hebrews 10:16-31).


A good marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4). For that to be so, you have to allow God to be the architect. He knows best! Follow His plan and don’t try to find ways around it or out of it. When applied correctly, as with all things, the result will be good.

Volume 15 – Issue 35 - May 17th, 2015